1 Kings 19:11-13 “The LORD said to Elijiah, “Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the LORD, for the LORD is about to pass by”. Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks, but the LORD was not in the wind. After the wind, there was an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire but the LORD wasn’t in the fire. After the fire came a gentle whisper. When Elijiah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave.’
I just completed a 40 day fast. This is my second year doing this type of fast. It’s nothing spectacular or intense, but it is a way I like to start my year, an opportunity to surrender myself to the Lord to ‘cleanse me’ spiritually, emotionally, mentally, and physically.
I was excited and anxious for this year’s fast when January was approaching. Last year was one of the most challenging but amazing experiences I have ever had when fasting. It was my first time doing that long of a fast, so it was challenging, but God showed up in such a tangible way that when it came to the end of my 40 days, I didn’t want to stop.
So, this year, I was ready to start my year off with the Lord again and experience His presence and closeness like last year. Only, it didn’t happen that way.
This fast was hard. It wasn’t food though that was the challenge. The hardest part about this fast, was I didn’t experience God the way I imagined or expected.
Every day I woke up. I did my normal routine. I started each day with the Lord, studying His Word and in prayer. My meals consisted of only the ingredients I was allowed to eat. I had a diet of meat, veggies, and fruits only. No coffee, no sugar, no bread, no grain, no dairy, and nothing at all processed. Whole, natural foods and water. I created targeted prayers that were filled with scripture that I would pray daily, being very specific on what I was seeking in this time. Day after day, I read, I prayed, I fasted, I said no to my flesh, and yes to God. Excited and expectant to experience God… yet each day, it didn’t seem to happen.
Disconnected.
Frustrated.
Confused.
To say I was disappointed might be an understatement. Why was God silent? Why did God seem so distant?
It wasn’t a fast to ‘get’ anything, that’s not the purpose of fasting anyway I will add. I genuinely just wanted to shut down my flesh and feel the closeness with the Lord, like I did the year before. I struggled for weeks, almost ending the fast early because my disappointment ran so deep.
But towards the end…while I was still dealing with frustration…I felt the Lord speak to my heart.
The Lord reminded me of my verse for the year He gave me. Isaiah 43:18 “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing. Now it springs forth. Do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.’
I stopped and just sat staring at that scripture. Tears filled my eyes and joy swelled in my heart.
Wait a minute…. God is doing a ‘new’ thing. This whole time I was expecting Him to do what He did before. I became blind to what God was doing in this season because I was expecting Him to do what He did in another season of my life.
It's hard to even put into words what God did in this fast this year. But He moved in just as mighty of ways in my heart and mind as He has before. He didn’t move in the same way; He moved in a new way. He revealed blind spots, sin, thinking errors, and how I was being led by my feelings.
Being led by my feelings is a big topic for me and God. It’s been a journey I’ve walked for many years now. Being a mental and emotional health coach, we talk a lot about emotions and feelings, and they are important, and we are to be aware of them but never controlled by them. We cannot always be led by our feelings, because they do not always reflect what is true.
This was the case I found myself in. My feelings were telling me one thing, but they were not truth. My feelings were telling me God was not listening, God was not near. But the reality is, my feelings do not dictate truth, God alone determines what is true.
As the passage in Kings explained, there were so many eye-opening and ‘in your face’ experiences that Elijiah had, but God wasn’t in any of them. It's important to read this story in context too and see that this situation Elijiah finds himself in is right on the heels of him watching God send fire down from heaven on wet wood to prove He was the only true God. You heard me...God answered Elijiah's prayer and sent fire from heaven consuming wood soaked in water to prove He is the One True God in front of a huge crowd of people. So, I can imagine maybe even Elijiah could have thought God was in the earthquake and fire and wind. It would only make sense because he had just seen God move in a massive way. But God chose not to this time….God chose to show up in stillness, in quiet, in an almost unrecognizable way.
For us, we too would probably assume and want God to show up like an earthquake or wind or fire or something big. We crave the supernatural and spectacular. We sometimes think God can’t be in the whisper. Or maybe if we are honest, in our flesh, we want the earthquake because it feeds our emotions. But when we put those conditions on God and discount the whisper, we unfortunately miss out on some beautiful moments where God is often the closest. My flesh wanted to ‘feel’ God like an earthquake. But God wanted me to trust in Him and pursue Him even it appeared He wasn’t there, especially when I didn’t ‘feel’ Him.
Isn’t that the point of faith though? Our faith does not depend on our feelings. If it does, we are on shaky ground. That’s for life in general. Our feelings cannot dictate what is real or true. We cannot make decisions based solely on feelings. We must have an anchor that helps us remain steadfast in this journey of life.
The truth is, God does not change depending on how you or I feel. God is with us regardless of if we feel it or not. God is speaking even when we can’t hear anything. That is truth, regardless of how we feel in the moment.
Yes, God can and does move in big ways and does big things, but we can’t discount or forget He also shows up in the small. He shows up in the quiet. He shows up in the stillness. He shows up in the whisper. Nothing big or fancy, it’s simple, personal, and incredibly special.
May our ears and hearts to open to hear Him when He whispers.