Do you ever feel “stuck” sometimes in life? Like you have hopes, you have dreams, you have prayers for certain desires, you want freedom from certain strongholds, you want to be more than you are, you want to be ‘better’… but everything around you contradicts what those desires and wants that tug at your heart. Do you ever feel like you have been dealing with the same struggles and issues for so long and no matter how much you pray you just don’t see change? I have. I will admit, I have found myself in this place many times.
Frustrated. Discouraged. Doubtful. Exhausted. Disappointed.
In one of these seasons, I had sought the Lord for months. Seeking answers, wanting to hear God’s voice in some way…desiring to see a miraculous change in my life only to be met with silence. Every day I was determined to see a breakthrough, and I pressed on but day after day as my circumstances around me seemed to stay the same, sometimes they appeared to worsen, and my frustration and doubt grew.
One Sunday morning I felt I had to get away for a little while, so I went to our local reservoir to take a walk. I had to clear my head and clear my heart. My mind was overloaded with so many thoughts and honestly, almost none of them were positive. While walking I began to unload every thought, every emotion, everything I had in me, good and bad I poured out to God.
I was tired. I was frustrated. I was so discouraged. “Where are you, God? Are you still there? Have you left me? Honestly, I wouldn’t blame you if you did, I would leave me too. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t know how to pray or even the right words to say. I am angry. I am confused….God just please let me know you hear me and you are still there….”
Ever felt that way? Ever been in that place?
I have been a Christian for quite some time and in reality, I know that God is still near and He will “never leave me nor forsake me”, deep down I ‘know’ those truths, but there are moments in life when sadly the pain and darkness can overwhelm and temporarily dim any glimmer of light that may exist in life. After pouring out my heart, I became silent. I didn’t have anything else to say. I was empty. I laid it all out, as raw and real as I could be and after I did it became obvious that that is exactly what I needed to do. I was holding onto so much frustration and discouragement, unmet expectations of outcomes in situations I wanted, and disappointment with what appeared to be unanswered prayers. My heart was in such a place of discontent with all the negativity I was holding on to that I was not allowing any room for God to work, I was living and operating out of the disappointment of my circumstances and not faith in who God is. I was so focused on my ways and my thoughts and my feelings, I wasn’t taking the time to let God do things His way.
As I walked in silence, I came halfway around the reservoir and was stopped in my tracks by this massive tree. And when I say massive…I wish I had a picture of just how big this thing was! It was so large and beautiful…just towering over everything around it. I stood in amazement at its beauty and in that moment, in the silence of my heart…I felt the Lord speak.
You see, that tree wasn’t always that large and majestic. Nope. That big ol’ tree was once a teeny tiny seed. That tiny seed then was obviously placed in good nutritious soil. That seed then created roots that grew under the ground, creating strength and stability in unseen places to withstand the changes in weather and storms it would face as it grew. Daily it was exposed to light and received water for nourishment so that it could continue growing stronger and bigger. And this growing process did not happen overnight. This growing process took years and years and years! I stood at that tree speechless as the peace and comfort of God swept over me.
Let’s take a minute and look at ‘The Parable of the Sower’ in Matthew 13.
And Jesus said “Hear then the parable of the sower: When anyone hears the word of the kingdom and does not understand it, the evil one comes and snatches away what has been sown in his heart. This is what was sown along the path. As for what was sown on rocky ground, this is the one who hears the word and immediately receives it with joy, yet he has no root in himself, but endures for a while, and when tribulation or persecution arises on account of the word, immediately he falls away. As for what was sown among thorns, this is the one who hears the word, but the cares of the world and the deceitfulness of riches choke the word, and it proves unfruitful. As for what was sown on good soil, this is the one who hears the word and understands it. He indeed bears fruit and yields, in one case a hundredfold, in another sixty, and in another thirty.”
It is interesting to note that a plant does not “decide” when to bear fruit. It just happens but only as a result of the condition in which the seed is sown. It didn’t produce on the hard path where it wasn’t able to take any root. The rocky ground was unstable, and the seed fell away. The thorns choked the seed and prevented anything of lasting worth from being produced. It is not the seed that is the determining factor in the fruitfulness…it is the soil.
In the same way, we can’t “decide” when we’re going to bear spiritual fruit. We can’t choose when certain prayers are answered or when specific changes will come. We can’t force strongholds to break regardless of how much ‘willpower’ we put forth. Fruitfulness comes naturally when we remain connected to the source of life, the Vine. Jesus said, “I am the Vine. You are the branches. If anyone remains joined to me, and I to him, he will bear a lot of fruit. You can't do anything without Me.” (John 15:5) We can produce nothing without Jesus.
Although we aren’t responsible for producing fruit in our lives, we are responsible for the condition of the soil in our hearts. Good soil has sunlight, water, and nutrients. We must provide life-giving ‘nutrients’ to our hearts as well if we want to receive the Word of God and produce fruit. How do we do that? Some ways would be reading God’s Word, praying, seeking godly guidance from people we trust, listening to God and acting in obedience, and pursuing healing in the places we hold pain, hurt, and disappointment. We also have to keep our hearts free of rocks, weeds, and thorns. How can we keep rocks and weeds out of the soil of our hearts? We don’t allow things to be planted in our hearts and minds that are contrary to God’s Word and His character. We pursue God’s Word and God’s ways, submitting to Him as Lord and not consuming our minds and hearts with our ways or the world’s ways.
If you are struggling mentally, emotionally, or spiritually today, evaluate your heart. Do you struggle with fear, frustration, or anger? Do you constantly worry or maybe feel overwhelmed with disappointment and question God’s goodness? Do you battle internal thoughts that fuel feelings of rejection and destroy your value and worth? Are there strongholds that you want broken but haven’t found victory yet? Let’s be real, I think we all have been there. The truth is we are human and sometimes our humanity jumps in the driver’s seat of our hearts, and we can lose sight of truth. If this sounds like your life, there is only one way to make a change so that we can start producing fruit that brings God glory and us the promises in His Word. Jesus says ‘He is the way, the truth, and the life.’ (John 14:6). Confess to God about the condition of your heart, pour out your heart to the Lord, and leave nothing hidden. Ask Him to plow up the hard places and replace them with a soft heart that will be the perfect place for His truth to take root and grow. Pray, “Create in me a pure heart oh God, and renew a right spirit within me”. (Psalm 51:10)
I don’t know if you are anything like me, but I can get so caught up in what I see or am not seeing and all the feelings that result from my limited vision and fail to remember that God is God, I am not. God’s ways are not my ways. His thoughts are not even close to what I think. Even when I do not see the change that I want to see or get the victory when I want the victory, I must remember that this walk of life is not a one-time project, it’s a process.
Just as that tree started as a seed, we too start as a “seed” and have our growing process to go through, and as much as we wish it happened overnight…the truth is we will always be in process this side of heaven, but that’s a beautiful thing. I am so glad that God doesn’t leave us the way He finds us.
Life is a journey of learning and growth. Moments of struggling through the valley but also beautiful moments of growth where we stand tall and strong in the Lord. God tells us in Psalm 46 to “Be still and know I am God”. Transformation and growth will happen in time but we need to be planted in soil that is good for us. We need exposure to light and fed by the truth of God’s Word. And over time we will grow from being a tiny little seed…to a much stronger bigger and more beautiful “tree” than we ever could have imagined.